家事分工2

今天回家看見ㄤ站在廚房清洗前天烤餅干弄得一團混亂...

ME: 你喜歡我嗎?
ㄤ: 洗汪
ME: 你在幹什麼?
ㄤ: 洗汪
ME: How do you say "I like washing dishes?"
ㄤ: (想了一下) ...我不喜汪喜汪 ....

可惡~沒被騙到....

家事分工

去朋友開的餐廳 "Mr. Sausage Kitchen" 吃飯, 澳洲先生與台灣太太，酒足飯飽坐在吧台聊天博感情，突然撇見澳洲先生馬克在收拾廚房洗碗擦地的身影:

ME: "Darren你看馬克!"
老闆娘: "你們在家怎麼分工? Darren 洗碗ㄇ?"
ME: (正想認真地解釋家事分工內容)

ㄤ: (驕傲+若無其事狀)

"When you have a penis like mine, you don't need to do dishes."

...這個時候究竟是要給ㄤ面子還是給老闆面子捏?....

Mr. Sausage Kitchen 提供手工製作的香腸，老闆娘親切的笑容及老闆認真的態度很值得您試試喔~ 吃素的我去那兒還可以吃到好吃的素食香腸跟千層面喔~最重要的是，那裡的啤酒選項多，我還喝的到印度跟威爾斯啤酒ㄋ~

What Kinda Wife I am?

今天去上了堂身心靈的課程。晚上回家打開門，

ME: "Honey, your spiritual wife's home!"
ㄤ: "....."
ME: "Hello?"

...ㄤ: "Go away! I married a slut."

沒關係~我今天有修...

中文教學

把有長翅膀的勉綿畫給ㄤ看，說，要買22-24cm 的 "好自在"。

ㄤ回家說買不到好自在，所以買了也是 "在" 字輩的勉綿。
拿出來一看，哪來的"在"? 是 "靠得住"....

可能，對於圖像學習中文的ㄤ來說，"住在" 你心裡...是一個字...

...ㄤ~謝謝你..今天敎ㄤ新句子。「跟你住在一起，好自在。因為，你，靠得住。 」

The Hard Old Time

I feel obligated to share this story with y'all. My husband, who I think should be the next James Joyce(or Ron Jeremy), said this:

"These kids today - they don't know!!! When I was young, I had to walk a mile in the snow (up-hill, both ways) to buy porn. Sometimes I was successful, sometimes the shopowner refused me. Porn was not delivered free to your house via the internet.

Those were hardtimes my generation grew up in!"

God am I lucky.

Darren Haughn & Venus Chen (c) 2010-11-30

飛鼠 (flying squirrl) 褲第二篇:

昨天穿新買的飛鼠褲上班，回家看到ㄤ，對我的裝扮，微笑了一下

ME: Do you like my new style?
ㄤ: I still can't see the charm in it...
Me: But I must look cute in it. You smiled everytime you saw me wearing it.

ㄤ: (still smiling) I smiled 'cause I was trying not to laugh.
ME: .....

最經典

ㄤ的經典對話我最喜歡這個：

那天在家看美國影集 Weeds， 片中有一名單身媽媽和鄰居青少年相吸引，在美麗單身媽媽開的cheese店打得火熱~ 我不禁有感而發：

Me: "I wonder how it's like now kissing a 18-year-old."
ㄤ: "It's like a half of me".
Me: ......

他的意思是說只有他的一半那麼好~
果然是有 "無論如何也不能輸給年輕人" 的中年男子氣概啊!!

英文夢....

一早起床~ ㄤ一臉擔心的問我：

ㄤ: Do you remember your dream last night?
Me: No. Did I dream?
ㄤ: You were sleeping talking, in English.
Me: Why am I sleep talking in English? That doesn't make sense.

ㄤ: It was impressive though.
...Me: I said "Impressive" in my sleep?

ㄤ: No, you said a word that was very impressive.
Me: What did I say?

ㄤ: You said...."supercalafragalisticexpialadoshus"

Me: .................are you sure it's not you dreaming?

查查網路真的有這個字! 我真的強烈懷疑作夢的是他....

我的演戲天份

十月初跟爸媽到附近的素食路邊攤吃飯....

Halloween還沒到~ 我就被路邊攤的素食阿姨們當作29台明星追著要簽名!!!...還硬說我沒化妝的臉是自然美最好!~~ (我阿爸阿母樂的當猩爸猩媽...)

ME: They think I am some sorta soap opera actress. (得意)
ㄤ: Ya? Ask how they think your acting technique is. (偷笑)
ME: They said I acted very well and nature. (驕傲)

...ㄤ: Oh, I recognise the acting style! Tell them I believed you when you seemed to be coming too.

Me: 你.....

討厭~ 人家可是來真的 (literally...)

結果走之前還是被要了簽名
簽在一本阿姨新買的羅曼史書皮上....

早知道舊簽連方瑜... 要裝就裝到底...

飛鼠褲 Flying Rat?

週年慶跑去買了一件飛鼠褲，回家秀給ㄤ看:

Me: "好看ㄇ?"
ㄤ: (把眼睛從電腦螢幕拉過來掃了我ㄧ眼) "oh, I have a gay student has exact same pants."

Me: (很好~ gay會穿的話就一定不會錯) "這叫做 ---(驕傲狀) 飛鼠褲!!"...

ㄤ: "Flying tree?? "
Me: "no...是 "Flying rat""
ㄤ: (?頭歪歪) "Bat?"
Me: (不禁想到老鼠跟同伴說他女朋友是空姐的笑話) "no no... not bats.."

把褲管的飛鼠翅膀拉起來給他看..."An animal has arms like this..."

ㄤ: "Or...do you mean... "flying squirrel?""

Me: (眼睛亮) "Yes yes, flying squirrel!"
ㄤ: (無法苟同狀) "Squirrels are much cuter than rats"
Me: 所以我的新褲子很可愛囉~

ㄤ: (轉頭繼續看電腦螢幕...只想趕快結束這場沒有營養的對話)...

總而言之~ 那天去參加一年一度的藍調音樂節~ 有被 "建議" 也許飛鼠褲不是最藍調的妝扮 :D

PS: Blues Bash 每年都會在汐止的夢想社區舉行，是個直得推薦的好活動。活動包括下午的室外音樂會與晚上的室內音樂會。晚上的活動大部分是由國外飛來的音樂團體演出。非常值得跑到汐止去看看~ 那天不知道為什麼，明明沒有站起來買酒喝，卻一直有酒來....